12 Days of a Wretched Christmas

On the First day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
A Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Second day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Third day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Fourth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Fifth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Sixth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Seventh day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Eighth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Eight Boyfriend Pillows
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Ninth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Nine Picnic Pants
Eight Boyfriend Pillows
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Tenth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Ten Facebook Selfies
Nine Picnic Pants
Eight Boyfriend Pillows
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
|Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Eleventh day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Eleven Inflatable Fruitcake Tins
Ten Facebook Selfies
Nine Picnic Pants
Eight Boyfriend Pillows
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

On the Twelfth day of Christmas
The bastard sent to me,
Twelve Tubes of Cellulite Cream
Eleven Inflatable Fruitcake Tin
Ten Facebook Selfies
Nine Picnic Pants
Eight Boyfriend Pillows
Seven Brief Jerkies
Six Bacon Lubes
Five Clap off Bras
Four Shitten Mittens
Three Ugly Sweaters
Two Chia Shreks
And a Burial Plot near the entrance

What was the worst Christmas gift you ever received? What was your favorite one?

Gifts and Returns,
Baer Necessity

7 thoughts on “12 Days of a Wretched Christmas”

  1. Hahaha! This is great and fits my mood so well this time of year. The beef jerky edible pants are just so… wrong šŸ˜‰ Happy Holidays.

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